


It Had To Be Okay

by waffleironman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2012-09-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 12:11:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waffleironman/pseuds/waffleironman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither of them was sure who had started it, but they both wanted it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Had To Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> For reasons I cannot explain, one day I decided I HAD to write this. Just some confused-about-his-sexuality Zayn, and Liam being supportive and all that. Also, I feel like when they first kiss and admit their feelings, it's out of nowhere, and they just kind of look at each other and BAM. Anyways...  
> Forgive the cheesy title. Nothing was exactly calling to me.

It happened quickly. There was really no other build up, besides nearly twelve months of hidden feelings being pushed down inside of them. Before they could even consider it, it happened.  
Neither of them was sure who had started it, but they both wanted it.

Maybe it was when Liam smiled at Zayn, or maybe it was when Zayn's heart sped up and he looked at Liam like he was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen.

Either way, it happened.

One second they were just sitting together, just after telling their friends goodbye, the next they looked at each other and something snapped.  
Zayn put his hands on Liam's face and Liam's hands went to Zayn's waist, each of them leaning in quickly to crash their lips together.

Liam sighed happily, as Zayn ran his fingers through his hair.

"Liam," Zayn tried to say calmly, but it came out as a shaky moan.

"Hmm." Liam hummed, content, and pulled Zayn's body closer to his, subconsciously laying back on the couch, pulling Zayn with him.

Zayn pulled back, but only for a second to look into Liam's eyes, once he saw the look on the other boy's face, he knew this was okay, it had to be. Liam was there, kissing him, and looking at him like that. How could it not be okay?

So Zayn kissed him again, and again, and again.

It had to be okay.

Although, there was a feeling deep inside of Zayn. A feeling that was mixing with the pleasure, the happiness and the hope. A feeling that it might be okay, but it might also be wrong.

Liam was his best friend. And, Zayn was incredibly in love with him. So much, it nearly hurt sometimes.

Zayn wasn't gay, he knew that. He had no problem with it though. Two of his best friends were gay. And Liam was one of them. And he knew that.

Liam had sat them all down in a grown up matter one day and told them, "Before it gets out, I want you all to be the first I tell, really tell. That, I, uhm,…I'm gay."

To which everyone replied with an "I know", or “Thanks for telling us”. All besides Louis who asked "is this how we have to come out to each other, or can it be done more casually? Because, I thought you were going to tell us that you were pregnant."

That was the first time Zayn saw a little hope, that maybe Liam could feel the same.

At least it had been confirmed that Liam wouldn't be repulsed by the idea of being with another man.  
But what if that man was Zayn? What if that man was his best friend? What if Liam never even thought of Zayn in any way other than platonic?

So, Zayn knew Liam was gay. And Zayn knew he wasn't.  
But, Zayn also knew that he loved Liam with all of his heart.

And not in the way he loved Niall, not in the way he loved Harry, or the way he loved Louis.  
It wasn't friendly, it wasn't brotherly, it wasn't normal.

He was in love with Liam. And, judging by the way Liam was kissing him right now. Liam loved him back. At least, he really, really hoped so.

But, the feelings of confusion and fear were starting to become too much. So, he pulled back again, and this time, when he saw Liam smiling back at him, he reluctantly pulled away and sat up, off of Liam, sitting on the couch in his original position.

"Uhm…" Liam sat up, scooting a little away from Zayn. Maybe he had crossed a line. But, wasn't Zayn the one who kissed him? It was incredibly unclear. Maybe it was Liam. It felt like a tie. The answer might forever be lost. A mystery of "who kissed who first?”. Maybe that’s how it should be. "I'm...I'm sorry, Zayn. I, I, uhm…"

"You're gay." Zayn stated, slowly.

Liam sighed. "Yes, I am. And, if I went too far just now, or upset you-"

Zayn shook his head, "That's not it." he looked down at his hands. "I just…I don't know about me."

"What do you mean?" Liam leaned in, still not too close. Just close enough for comfort, and far away enough so he didn't make Zayn uncomfortable.

"I'm not gay," Zayn started. "I still like girls, you know?"

"Oh." Liam looked away. He was stupid. So stupid, to think that this could bloody happen. Sure, he and Zayn were friends, sure he'd been holding back feelings for him for at least a year now, and sure, he loved Zayn with every inch of his being. But, he should have known Zayn didn't want it. Liam started to wonder if maybe he was the one who started the kiss. But, Zayn's hands, and lips, and voice all said that maybe, maybe Liam was wrong. Maybe it was a tie of some sort. "Sorry, it won't happen again."

"No! No, Liam. That's not what I mean." Zayn said, quickly.

"So, what is it? Did you not want that? Because, I understand if you don't. We don't have to talk about it. I mean, really, I'll understand." And, of course he would. He's Liam and he always understands. He always understands everything. If Zayn has a problem, Liam listens, and understands, and helps Zayn see the light in the darkest places. So, sure. He'd understand. It would break his heart, but, he'd understand.

Zayn took a deep breath, and kept his stare on his hands. "You're gay," he starts, "Louis is gay, Niall is straight, and Harry flirts with anything that breathes,"

"I think he'd prefer the term 'bisexual', but carry on."

"What am I?" Zayn finally looked at Liam.

"Bisexual as well?" he suggested.

"I've only ever been attracted to one guy," Zayn shook his head with a soft laugh. "I don't know. Maybe I'm strictly into guys named Liam."

"So, you…you do like me then?" Liam blushed.

"I think I made that pretty clear." Zayn smirked, and then sighed. "I just want to know who I am. I'd say straight, but then…I look at you and suddenly…suddenly it's stronger than anything I’ve ever felt." he turns to look at Liam. Really look. Right in the eyes and make sure what he's about to say comes out right. "I'm pretty sure it's love."

Liam almost gasped, and blinked a few seconds before his brain started back up. "Zayn," He whispered. "Zayn, I…" but he can't say anything else. Nothing sounds right. And, he's waiting for a "but" or for his alarm to go off. But, somehow, it's not a dream. Zayn loves him.

"So, what does it mean? I'm not suddenly gay because I fall in love with one guy, right? I'm not exactly straight anymore. I really don't see myself with anyone, except you." Zayn says the words in a rush, part of him hoping Liam doesn't catch it, because, he did not want these words to be said this way. Or maybe at all. He’s always been too scared to say them, too afraid of being rejected, too worried about what Liam would think. He can’t exactly figure out why this started now, but he just knows how he feels and so he says it. But, he’s not so sure if he wants Liam to hear it.

Liam smiled lightly. "Zayn, I guess it doesn't matter.” He shook his head, lightly. "It doesn't matter what your sexuality is. It's not about preferences; it's about who you want to spend your time with. It doesn't matter if you like girls, and only girls, if you fall…in love, with a man, and he's the one you'd like to be with, then that's what counts."

"So, I'm gay?" Zayn questioned slowly.

Liam shook his head again. "Not really. Like you said, you like women."

Zayn sighed, and stood up. "So, really. What am I? A-am I gay? Straight? What?"

"Why does there have to be a label on it, Zayn?"

"Because, I need one." Zayn snapped, standing up, turning to Liam. "I need a little bit of the comfort in them. I've lived my life thinking one way, and then you come around and suddenly everything I've ever known…changes! I've never felt anything so strong." he sighed, looking away from Liam's concerned face. "I'm sorry, Liam. But, I'm just- I'm…" he trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence Not wanting to finish the sentence.

"Scared." Liam finished for him, softly.

Zayn looked at him again, and nodded.

"I'm scared too." Liam confessed keeping the soft tone, trying to make sure none of the tears building up leave Zayn's eyes.

"Of what?"

"Of losing you, of demolishing our friendship, of you not being okay with any of this. I'm scared of what people will say. And I’m really scared that they'll hurt you. We have plenty of reasons to be afraid, love. But, I think that those reasons are nothing compared to the reasons we have to be together."

"Yeah?" Zayn said, and it didn't come out as bitterly as he had tried. He just sounded exhausted at this point. "What are they?"

"Well, I love you. That's one reason. I'm fairly sure you love me. That's a brilliant reason. And, you and I being together would mean Harry and Louis could get a taste of their own PDA medicine." Liam smirked at the last part.

Zayn sat next to him again. "Sounds like there's more reasons against it then there is for it."

"Yes, but, the good ones outweigh the bad, if you ask me." Liam smiled.

"I just don't know if I can do this." Zayn said, quietly.

"I think you can do anything you want to." Liam leaned towards him, speaking softly. "But, if you _don't_ want to, you don't have to. Simple as that. It's up to you now. If you want me, I'm yours for the taking, and I will love you forever, Zayn. But, if you'd rather go on like this didn't happen..." Liam paused, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart snapping as he realized the option he'd just given Zayn was a probable one. "We can do that too."

"Really?" Zayn looked at Liam, and he hated hearing the sadness in his voice. Sadness. He didn’t want Zayn to go on like this didn’t happen. –And that’s when it hit him. That’s when Zayn really knew; Liam loved him back. He’d do anything Zayn asked, he’d forget this whole mess, he’d never speak of it again, and he’d go on with a broken heart because maybe Zayn wasn’t ready for this to happen. And, Zayn knew if the roles were reversed, he’d do the same for Liam.

Liam sighed as Zayn looked at him with a hopeful expression, and Liam knew it was over, before it even began. "Yeah." He nodded. "Of course."

Zayn nodded. "I think I can do this."

"Wait, wh-" Liam didn't get to finish before Zayn lunged forward and crashed their lips together again.

And it was perfect. So perfect that Liam could feel his heart quickly put itself back together. And, once Zayn's lips touched Liam's, he knew he didn't need to have a label anymore.

"Are you sure?" Liam asked, as he pulled away, fighting a smile.

"Of course, I'm sure." Zayn grinned, and right then, Liam knew he meant it.

Although, they were both scared, and they didn't really know where to start, they knew that it'd be okay. It had to be okay.


End file.
